Therapy can be a powerful way for you to grow personally, work through your experiences, and nurture your mental health and well-being. Yet, there are many misconceptions and existing stigma surrounding therapy as a concept among your average joe (or jane).
As a counselling psychologist, I have heard several reasons from clients why they have put off going to therapy in the past. I have also had numerous discussions regarding therapy as a concept among friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances where common myths arise in our conversations. The concerning matter is that these misconceptions may create hesitation or uncertainty among people who might benefit from seeking support, and prevents them reaching out.
In today’s journal entry, I thought I would share some common misconceptions about therapy, in the hopes that I can clear up any misinformation for people who may be considering therapy or feel unsure about it, so that taking those first steps towards therapy may feel just a little bit easier.
“Only mentally ill people need therapy.”
It concerns me that there is a widely held understanding that people need have a formal diagnosis for them to benefit from therapy. This simply isn’t true. Therapy can benefit anyone who wants to understand themselves better, grow and navigate any struggles.
Indeed, therapy can be beneficial source of support for people who are dealing with mental health problems, often alongside medication and other forms of support. However, you do not need to be in crisis to find therapy helpful. In therapy you can learn and reflect on your experiences, cope with relationships, deal with transitions or specific challenges.
If we take a minute to consider that small problems can build into bigger problems over time, then it is easier to understand why addressing them in earlier stages may prevent them from escalating. Therapy is one such way that you might choose to do this, and can be used as a proactive form of self-care as it helps us to check in on our emotional and psychological well-being.
“Seeking therapy is a sign of weakness or failure.”
Despite progress and social awareness surrounding therapy in more recent years, there is still seems to be a stigma that implies seeking help is a sign of weakness or even failure in life. I often wonder why this may be, perhaps it stems from misguided pressures which have can have external or internal forces.
As a counselling psychologist I see this in should, must, oughts statements, with phrases such as “ I should be able to handle everything on my own”, “I must not tell anyone that I’m struggling, otherwise they’ll see that I’m weak/have failed”, “I ought to get on with it”.
On the contrary asking for help when you need it is a truly courageous choice which requires strength and a willingness to be open. This can be challenging if you are used to dealing with everything on your own. By seeking therapy it demonstrates that you want to take control of and improve your mental health by making it a priority in your life which actually very responsible.
Everyone experiences difficulties in life, and admitting that you may need some additional support to get through this time is a sign of self-awareness and resilience, not weakness or failure. Just as you might seek medical treatment when you are physically unwell, seeking therapy for your mental health is important.
“Therapy is just speaking. Why not just speak to a friend/family?”
It is not unusual for people to wonder why they might pay for a psychology session when they could speak with their friends or family for free. After all, the main component of talk therapy is having a conversation with your psychologist/therapist about the problems you are facing, but it is different to speaking with a friend or family member. The key difference is that when you talk to a professional, you’re speaking with someone who is committed to confidentiality and is bound by a code of ethics to keep this information safe. They have also undergone extensive training in therapeutic frameworks. Our goal is to provide a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you feel safe to explore your experiences.
Speaking to my experience, I bring an outside perspective to your situation, and I dedicate each session to you and your process. You can be yourself without judgment, allowing you to dig deep into your thoughts, emotions, and how you’ve responded to different situations. As my goal is to facilitate your personal growth, I want this space to feel comfortable as possible to share and be yourself so that you can make these gradual changes that you want to make in your life. Simultaneously, I thread together what you have shared in meaningful ways and reflect this back you, often basing in the therapy that is being offered. The relationship we build is different to friendship, it is a therapeutic relationship, where I focus on you and your needs while remaining boundaried.
Still, I will always encourage you to have a strong support network and to reach out to others to enhance your overall well-being through enjoyment and shared experiences.
“Therapy can ‘fix’ me.”
People sometimes come to therapy thinking that it will be a quick fix for their problems, but there is no magic wand or mystical way to solve everything all at once. No psychologist or therapist can solve your problems for you, they can, however, support you to make changes or process your experiences.
As a counselling psychologist, I have found that it is a common conversation to have with clients during initial meetings during our discussions about expectations for therapy. This is important as it also helps us assess potential readiness to engage with the therapeutic process. For some people, the concept of being ‘fixed’ may come up. I often tell my clients, “Therapy cannot ‘fix’ you because you aren’t ‘broken’.” What I mean is that we are all human, and we all experience some level of struggle in our lives.
Change happens in therapy as you reflect on your thoughts, behaviours and emotions and try new ways to approach challenges in your life. We can provide tools, support, and perspective, but the nitty-gritty of it all happens when you actively participate and put new insights to use. We aren’t there to “fix” you, we can help guide, support and challenge you by providing feedback as you navigate your mental health journey.
“Therapists will tell me what to do.”
It is a common misunderstanding of therapy that psychologists or therapists will simply give you advice, or even tell you how to live your life. Ultimately, how you live your life is up to you, and although your psychologist or therapist may offer some guidance or suggestions from time to time, therapy is more focused on exploring your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours to help you find your own insights and answers.
We listen, ask thoughtful questions and try our best to guide self-reflection in sessions so that you are encouraged to use your problem-solving abilities to discover your own answers. We do not have all the answers and therapy should be collaborative which requires your participation in the process. This means that you can discover what works best for you as you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
“You have to discuss your childhood in therapy”
Whilst speaking about your childhood can be helpful for many people, as it brings together information to form a greater understanding of your background and your development, it is often not the sole focus in therapy. The time spent discussing your childhood often depends on individual preferences, needs, and the type of therapy being provided. Many therapies will be more focused on helping you to navigate your current challenges, build coping strategies and work towards your specific goals. For different people, this may involve a different degree of speaking about their childhood to help inform the challenges they are currently facing, whereas for others this might not be touched upon at any length.
“Therapy will take forever.”
Many people are put off therapy as it seems intimidating or even daunting due to a belief that it will be a never-ending process. Whilst there is always room for personal growth, and therapy can be a large part of that process, it is up to you how long you would like to attend sessions, especially if you are paying privately. It is not a commitment that needs to last forever.
Some people may find that they have made significant progress over a few months, whilst others may benefit from ongoing therapy for a longer period of time. Some people dip in and out of therapy, meaning that they attend for a few weeks or months and then take a break before coming back to it. The important thing is to do what’s right for you, there is no set timeline for therapy. It is also important to find a psychologist or therapist who will work with you to personalise your treatment plan in line with your needs and understand that life happens, and sometimes your needs will change and that is okay too.
I hope what I’ve shared today helps to debunk some common misconceptions and challenges perspectives.
If there is anything to take away from it, may it be this: therapy is a valuable tool for anybody looking to support their mental health and wellbeing. It is a space that should be supportive and help you to navigate life’s challenges. There is no shame in asking for some additional help, you are showing real strength by taking ownership of your mental health.